“Did you see Manny got arrested?” I asked my dearest Bonnie, presently standing at my side with matching coffee cup and pajamas.
“Shocker,” she said
“Yeah,” I took a sip, “I guess. Though I was kinda surprised. He wasn’t the smartest guy I played with, but he didn’t seem like the violent type either, especially not with all those female fertility drugs in his system. I thought he’d be more inclined to cry during a fight than smack his wife around?”
“Nothing he does surprises me anymore,” said Bonnie.
The sound of fresh crying from the neighbor children broke through the glass of our window panel. They were riding their bikes on our driveway, again, even though we told them not too. One of them had smacked the other in the head with a wiffle-ball bat. It was a clean hit.
“You know, it’s not that I hate children,” I said, “it’s that I hate their children.”
“Then you’ll be excited to know they’re having a birthday party for the youngest one tomorrow. He’s turning five—it’s a biiiiig deal,” Said Bonnie, twirling her finger like a lasso.
“The biggest,” I said. The crying one had now run into the house while the oldest one remained hitting rocks into the side of it.
“He’s got good form,” I gestured to the kid swinging, “I wonder if he takes fertility drugs?”
“Probably, he beats his brother.”
“Oh, Mrs. Hayhurst is just full of jokes this morning.”
“I have my moments,” She smiled. Then, after a rock cracked off a gutter spout, “Well, thank god were doing something tomorrow. It will be them and all their little friends running around here tearing stuff up. Their doing a carnival theme.”
“Did they invite us?” I asked.
“No.”
“Those bastards. If they have an elephant show up, I’m going to graffiti it. That’ll show ‘em.”
Bonnie walked back to the sink and rinsed out her empty glass.
“I hated parties when I was a little kid,” I said. “I hated that you had to buy a toy that you wanted for yourself and then give it away to someone else. Some snot-nose little deviant that only invited you for the toy and then made fun of you at school the next day.”
“Did you ever have a party of your own?” Asked Bonnie, putting her cup in the dishwasher.
“Yeah, and that was even worse. That’s when I found out that after you open your toys you have to give them to someone else to play with because that’s what a good host does,” I said the last part like my mom would. “No, mom, It’s my birthday, I don’t want to share. Thanks for the cake and presents, now get out, I got toys to play with.”
“Oh honey, It’s a valuable lesson to learn when you’re young,” said Bonnie, taking my Star Trek mug and adding it to the dishwasher.
“What is? That you have to share, or people only come to your parties because of free food and toys?”
“Both.”