This past weekend I had a conversation with a soldier about the abolishment of Don’t Ask, Don’t tell. This conversation went down at a restaurant over dinner, and when the topic was first broached, there was much whispering in case anyone in ear shot who was sensitive to the subject might be offended. By the end, however, I was loud and heated and quite unconcerned with anyone’s feelings.
This really was a classic case of discussing something that should not be discussed at the dinner table. It was even intertwined with another toxic topic; a faith argument—in this case the Christian faith, which declares homosexuality to be sin. Combine the two and you can plainly see there was a primer in place for things to go south fast, and they did.
My solider friend, a more staunch Christian conservative than I, and for many intents and purposes a much finer example of the faith, was on the side of the discussion that argued the abolishment of DADT to be a misstep in the nation’s history. He said, despite similar situations in the past —like the military’s stance on race and religion being resolved— this would not be the same. Soldiers who were gay would want special treatment, what role would “civil unions” and marriage declarations play in housing money, why does that burden fall on the nation’s tax payers if it’s not okay in all 50 states, etc… Valid points, truly, and for all those on that side of DADT fence, his argument was strong, relevant, and worthy of consideration. However, I took the opposite viewpoint.
I must first tell you that even though I spoke quite rationally, my acumen went off like a grenade in a prayer meeting. The rest of the individuals at the table were also staunch conservative Christians. We shared the same faith, and many of the same views, but how we expressed and defined them varied enough on key subjects to quickly alienate me and polarize the group.
(As a side note before I continue, I’d just like to flat out apologize to everyone who has ever been hurt by a Christian as we can really, genuinely be some of the most offensive, arrogant, and judgmental people on earth. And, let me tell you, it’s not because the Bible tells us so– it’s because we believe we are RIGHT, and with that rightness, we believe we are allowed to judge. Most Christians won’t do this to a “non-believer”, but, we will happily do it to fellow believers whom we think should know better. This is why we are one of the most fractured and hypocritical religions in the world. That said, I still love Jesus Christ, and claim Him as my Savior, but I’ll never tell you I don’t screw this up in grand style.)
I continued speaking in the face of increasing silence and disagreement. Not arrogantly, or even bravely; I just kept talking even though I knew what was happening as the words came out. I should have stopped because I cared about those people and their opinion of me, and simply being silent wouldn’t have hurt anything save my pride. I guess I did it on principle as I thought it would be the type of conversation wherein all thoughts, no matter how contrary, would be welcome. I really should have known better by the whispering in which it started.
Past the point of no return, I said I thought DADT’s abolishment was good, because we are a free nation and this is an extension of that freedom. That it can’t be said gays are allowed to serve freely in the military if they aren’t allowed to express a fundamental side of what defines them. Even if this does make trouble for those who decide what is special treatment or a civil union, this is the kind of “trouble” that defines America. This country ventures into gray territory and works out what is fair for all. That is one of the virtues of freedom; it doesn’t encase people in what is black and white simply because it’s the easiest way to go. Furthermore, to my knowledge all the military branches that were polled were in favor of its abolishment.
Obviously I didn’t have a very sympathetic audience for my argument, which does have its holes. I was prepared for disagreement, really, but I think what stung me was how my view was refuted. It turned into a question of my faith, how thinking the way I did was essentially enabling sin. I scoffed at this, which pushed me further from the circle.
I wished I’d never said a word. The creeping, cold feeling of knowing what I’d just spoken had defined me was setting in, like the curing of social concrete. As it often does for so many of us, my views on a loaded topic became an inadvertent advertisement for my spiritual beliefs. This preview coupled with a few other expressed properties of my character, like how I am sarcastic (a side effect of rough upbringing were I learned to joke about harsh things in order to soften them), how I swear in casual, (a trait from being around potty mouth ball players), and my tenacity for conflict, (a trait most competitors have), really painted me as the poster child for a church intervention. However, because this group didn’t want to talk about offensive things, I got the silent treatment— which I can assure you is just as hurtful when you know why your getting it as flat out being told off.
My view enabled sin… I took great offense to that. Maybe, in some round about way, it did make it possible for homosexuals to practice what the Bible calls sin more freely. And yes, I wont lie, I believe the Bible to be the word of God and thus I must agree that the practice of homosexuality is sin, but, I don’t think America, a nation under God, is some how no longer under God by staying true to its other tenants, which are freedom for all men to have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I confessed a seemingly terrible truth to them all saying that if what we believe in is really what it claims to be then we shouldn’t be threatened by a level playing field wherein all people of all persuasions can express what they hold dear equally. We will never have a Christian Utopia. We love our country because it gives us freedom, right my dear Christian brother? Why then do we scream and holler that the country is going to hell in a hand basket every time it gives people exactly that?
I love this country because within it you can have arguments like the one I had above. I love my faith because its given to me by a God who forgives me for being me, a completely nasty and unlovable cuss. But I hate it when we don’t love each other for enjoying the freedom and redemption provided us, especially when we say we all believe the same stuff. Is America not bigger than the expression of sexual preference? Is God not bigger than our differences of opinion on how the country should be run? What is worse, silence and prayer for better days with more black and white issues, or discussion and thankfulness for the blurry, foggy days we must navigate with the help of a God who loves us even when we screw it up?