Four Pre Season Predictions from your friendly neighborhood Garfoose.
#1. I will need headphones while working out in the Ray’s weight room.
Likelihood: High.
It’s not that I don’t like rap, hip-hip or country. It’s that I hate them. Yes, I know, you probably like those things and are now desperately maneuvering for the unfollow button on your twitter account. It’s okay, I understand, and I don’t take it personally. Unfortunately, my music likes—or dislikes in this case—aren’t shared by the majority of ball players on any team. Country boys like country, and young, stylish, up-and-comers like rap and hip-hop that sings about young, stylish, up-and-comers. Me, I like obscure, underground rock. I like something with an angry guitar, a steady drum, moody lyrics, and a solo that melts my face off. I also like ‘out there’ stuff, which doesn’t make for good weight lifting soundtracks. If a 16 year old goth chick who dates an Asian math whiz that she met in a World of Warcraft guild likes it, it’s got a chance at air time on my play list. I’m quite confident if my music choices make it on the weight room’s speakers, it could reflect in our win/loss record. Better off contained in a set of headphones where we all win.
#2. Joe Maddon will trade me a signed bottle of One a Day vitamins for a signed copy of my book.
Likelihood: High.
From what I’ve heard of Joe, he sounds like an open, personable, player’s manager. I have to say, even though I signed a minor league deal with the Rays, the overwhelming evidence in support of his positive and inspirational attitude makes me want to win a spot on the Big team just to experience what it’s like to play for the man. One thing all players deal with, whether they’ll own up to it or not, is the fear of failure, and in the AL east that fear manifests itself in the form of some mighty big names. A charismatic leader can do a lot to even the odds between fear and self-confidence. Joe is the game’s premier player manager and that means he’s probably open, approachable, and charismatic; and not above trading jokes (as long as his station is always respected). I think he knows what a pressure cooker the AL east can be and thus facilitates the positive atmosphere young, smaller pay-rolled teams need to win. That is my guess, anyway… if you’re reading this Joe, please don’t kill me.
#3 Manny Rameriez will sit on my knee and let me read him chapters from my book before he goes to bed.
Likelihood: Low.
Okay, so this isn’t going to happen, but, if there was one guy baseball you could picture it happening with, don’t tell me it’s not Manny. He just has that “for the fun of it” vibe. Rumors of Manny being Manny seem to reach to anything and everything, however, him sitting on my knee while I read about the exploits of Slappy and Ox as they gallivant around the Cal league doesn’t seem entirely feasible. First, he’s a big dude and I don’t know if I have the knees for it. Second, he’s a legend in the game and I respect him too much to ask. Furthermore, since he has the power to hang me upside down in my underwear and make me recite the H.M.S Pinafore while he hits balls off a tee at me, I’ll keep quiet. Unless it’s his idea, it’s not going to happen… even if I promise to do funny voices for all the characters.
#4. Ben Zobrist’s wife will partner with my wife to cut a CD.
Likelihood: Medium.
I don’t know Ben yet, but respect him.When I first heard Ben walk out to that song, I believe it’s called “The Tree” by his wife, I didn’t realize it was his wife singing. My initial thought was, “Hmmm, this is lacking the skull splitting zeal that makes for your more typical batter entrance?” Then I realized the artist was Mrs. Zobrist, and I thought, “that’s cool. Not to mention an excellent use of the player platform.” Also, it’s a great use of the platform to get some Jesus out there as Ben’s wife is a Christian artist. In my book, that’s doubly cool. It may not be the goth chick/Warcraft love music as referenced above, but I still really dig it. Since Mrs. Hayhurst is also a musician and she works with special needs kids every day, and I too like to use the platform that baseball grants to help causes (myself included), it might be a good fit. Of course, it all depends on whether Ben likes me, I make it up to the club, (or any club!) and the wives hit it off. Baring that, the sky is the limit!
<<Special note. These predictions are just for fun. The Garfoose has the utmost respect to his new teammates and hopes that tentative prediction of #5: his teammates will kill him for writing this blog entry, receives a low ranking.>>