02
MAR
2012

The Life of A Player’s Wife

For our third date, my husband, Dirk, took me to a batting cage. “Cute,” I thought, “the active, sporty date. Well, as long as he doesn’t mind me getting sweaty, it could be fun. Why not?” Then he invited my mother along, which, if your goal is romance, tends to put a damper on...
06
DEC
2011

The Xylo Diaries. Good With Children

I walk the dog up Elm Street in hopes that we’ll pass this one house where this Boxer named Oscar lives. Oscar is a little fat, but that just means there is more of him to love since he’s a real people dog, friendly as a pedophile with kids, and just plain happy to be alive. I’m...
05
DEC
2011

The Xylo Diaries: Water Dog

The name of the place was Bow Wow Beach, or something nearly as corny,  and for December 4th it was pretty busy. All shape and size of dog owner with all shape and size of dog patrolled it, barking and correcting as they went. While the name was a little sappy, the facility was a...
04
DEC
2011

The Xylo Diaries. Wake Up Call

My wife rolls over and whacks me on the arm. She doesn’t have to hit me, I’m already awake. I have been for the last couple hours now; just lying there while the sleep depravation headache sets in on my temples. “Go let him out,” she says. “You go let him out,” I reply. A long...
30
NOV
2011

The Xylo Diaries. Stairs #EpicWin

I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m not keen on sappy doggy videos on the Youtube. I hate pulling up ridiculous picture collage set to an Evanescence song. Gee, look, a dog in a pool, here is one sleeping on a couch with his legs sticking up, now one looking pissed-off because...
26
NOV
2011

The Xylo Diaries. Picking Him Out.

  Before I coaxed him into the car, before I got the papers signed, and before the lady who gave him to me went on this hyper anal retentive rant about how the breed is second only to God in value to man kind and how I better reconstruct my house to accommodate his every...
19
SEP
2011

Minor League Survival Tip #24—Learn How and When to Cheat

No no no—not steroids. I’m not talking about the kind of cheating wherein in you put your life in jeopardy. I’m talking about the kind of stuff that an umpire like Joe West would have a conniption about if he caught you doing it. The kind of stuff Gaylord Perry, Whitey Ford, or...
11
SEP
2011

Never Forget

Honestly, I took History of Jazz because it was an easy A. In fact, the instructor knew this was why most kids took it; one of the reasons he didn’t take attendance and kept his tests relatively idiot proof. He wasn’t tenured yet and needed students to pass the class so he could...