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“We’d love to bring him down to visit you, but we need him more comfortable with traveling in the car first,” I say, sincerely this time, patting Xylo on the head as I speak. I had to pull him into to range of the laptop’s camera so he could fit in the shot of the video cha...

I’m just going to come right out and say it: it’s extremely hard to concentrate on writing while your dog is slurping his crotch like a snow cone. Hey, I know dogs bath themselves with their tongue. I get that their customs are not my customs, and that their tongues go places...

I walk the dog up Elm Street in hopes that we’ll pass this one house where this Boxer named Oscar lives. Oscar is a little fat, but that just means there is more of him to love since he’s a real people dog, friendly as a pedophile with kids, and just plain happy to be alive. I’m...

The name of the place was Bow Wow Beach, or something nearly as corny,  and for December 4th it was pretty busy. All shape and size of dog owner with all shape and size of dog patrolled it, barking and correcting as they went. While the name was a little sappy, the facility was a...

My wife rolls over and whacks me on the arm. She doesn’t have to hit me, I’m already awake. I have been for the last couple hours now; just lying there while the sleep depravation headache sets in on my temples. “Go let him out,” she says. “You go let him out,” I reply. A long...

  “He’s got a head like a damn anteater,” says my dad, pressing a thick hand down on Xylo’s long, narrow, snout— currently needling him in the crotch. “Are they supposed to have heads like this?” Asks my concerned mother, who has not stopped inspecting Xylo since her...

I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m not keen on sappy doggy videos on the Youtube. I hate pulling up ridiculous picture collage set to an Evanescence song. Gee, look, a dog in a pool, here is one sleeping on a couch with his legs sticking up, now one looking pissed-off because...

Xylo stands there, staring out the window like he’s a watchdog. I guess he is, just not in the way you’re thinking. He’s a sight hound, so he likes to stare at stuff—blowing leaves, the neighbor’s cat, rodents with bushy tails. Just stares at them, like Medusa though none of his...

  “If he doesn’t run right up and jump in on the first go, it usually means you’re going to have to lift him up and stuff him in,” said the lady at the rescue as she hoisted up my dog’s bare rear parts and crammed him in my vehicle. Xylo is about 84 pounds from stem to...

  Before I coaxed him into the car, before I got the papers signed, and before the lady who gave him to me went on this hyper anal retentive rant about how the breed is second only to God in value to man kind and how I better reconstruct my house to accommodate his every...