22
FEB
2013

Attention Graphic Artists

Attention graphic artists. I’m working on a IOS baseball video game parody and need a talented graphic artist that knows baseball and how to draw, animate, and characterize 2d pixel sprites of baseball players that look and feel like real MLB players (if only slightly...
31
JAN
2013

My Grandma’s Ass Just Wont Quit

My brother-in-law, Captain Peter St. John,  flies Apaches in the army. He’s deployed in Afghanistan right now and will be there for a year. I write him stories to keep his spirits up. Here is one of my recent ones   Dear Pete,   I’m sorry to be the one to tell you...
24
JAN
2012

Tim Thomas, and Other Wasted Opportunities.

  Note to self: if you’re going to show-up the president and your team, and polarize America in the process, make a bigger statement than a Facebook message. Yes folks, I get Timmy was trying to make a point—and he did, kinda—but he could have really went the distance. I...
04
DEC
2011

The Garfookie Contest!

Back by popular demand—and/or boredom—is the great, international Garfookie contest!!!! What is a Garfookie, you ask? Why, it’s a Christmas cookie (or similarly baked good) identical in shape and form to a real Garfoose. Caution: baking something as terrifying as a Garfoose may...
17
NOV
2011

Advance Praise for OUT OF MY LEAGUE.

Here’s what the advance reviewers have to say about OUT OF MY LEAGUE.   ‎”Dirk Hayhurst writes about baseball in a unique way. Observant, insightful, human, and hilarious.” — Bob Costas. “Even more than he did in The Bullpen Gospels, Dirk Hayhurst teaches us here...
16
SEP
2011

All The Fire Engines

“Hey Driftwood, how are ya?” Said an excited Sid. “What?” I said, getting off my twelve-speed and shaking Sid’s hand. “Driftwood,” he repeated, “or would you prefer Castaway?” “Your puns are usually bad but at least they’re decipherable. This one, however, has got me completely...
15
SEP
2011

Kid’s Toys

“Did you see Manny got arrested?” I asked my dearest Bonnie, presently standing at my side with matching coffee cup and pajamas. “Shocker,” she said “Yeah,” I took a sip, “I guess. Though I was kinda surprised. He wasn’t the smartest guy I played with, but he didn’t seem like the...
14
SEP
2011

Big J Needs to Lift

“If I tried to lift that over my head, the weight would crush me like one of those Super Mario Goombas,” I said, making a raspberry noise. Big J, laughed at me as he stepped out from under the weight rack. He always laughs at me when I say stuff like that. I didn’t mind because...
13
SEP
2011

Little Giants

Once again I was on the yellow line edging the football field, the same yellow line this annoying mom with an inferior camera ran me off of earlier because, as she said, “It’s against the rules.” “I just want some good shots of my cousin, no reason to get...
11
SEP
2011

Never Forget

Honestly, I took History of Jazz because it was an easy A. In fact, the instructor knew this was why most kids took it; one of the reasons he didn’t take attendance and kept his tests relatively idiot proof. He wasn’t tenured yet and needed students to pass the class so he could...
12