01
APR
2014

Sour Grapes

Yesterday I got called out by one of my former coworkers at Rogers for being/having  “sour grapes” because I spent most of opening day being snarky about the Toronto Blue Jays’ loss to the Tampa Bay Rays. This coworker hypothesized that my “new...
31
AUG
2013

No To Ro

Ricky Romero is a touchy subject. I’ve already written on him so much this season that I almost feel like I’m trolling by bringing him up again. But hey, it’s a topic the people like to hear about and far be it from me not to give the people what they want. As I’m inclined to do...
31
AUG
2013

Old Man Yells At Cloud: Tom Seaver & Survivorship Bias

I have a lot of time for Tom Seaver. He’s a stud, one of the best pitchers ever, and he sure as hell doesn’t need to listen to a guy with a career as short as mine to know it. Fortunately, I don’t need a long career to tell Seaver to pipe down with his “today’s pitchers are...
31
JUL
2013

A-Rod VS Tolstoy

Alex Rodriguez is addicted to greatness. I’m sure if I tried hard enough, I could rearrange that sentence into something that would make a great guidance counsellor’s office poster. Maybe something with an eagle, wings spread, cresting a mountain peak? But that would only...
27
JUL
2013

JP Arencibia VS Socrates And Selective Misanthropy

One day, while walking through the markets of ancient Greece, the great philosopher Socrates was insulted. His way of life, intelligence and sanity were all called into question by a thundering fellow Greek. The crowded market hushed and waited for Socrates to reply, but, instead...
15
JUL
2013

Go [Expletive Deleted] Yourself, All-Star Game.

In 2008, I made the triple-A all-star team. I say made, but I was really asked to fill in for another guy who actually did make the team but was called up to the big leagues and therefore couldn’t attend. I didn’t want to go. I was given the usual shtick: it was a great...
14
JUN
2013

Jesus Would Slide Cleats Up, Full Story.

It’s important to understand that, at the time, I was a real Jesus freak. Most of the guys on the team hated this about me. I can’t say I blame them. I was a staunch, proselytizing evangelical who preached Christ through concussion. I routinely ruined the boys’ nights out, guilt...
10
JUN
2013

Altruisms VS Compounding Interest

Let’s be honest folks, this whole concept that crime doesn’t pay when it comes to using performance-enhancing drugs in baseball, it’s a load of crap. Crime sure does pay. If it didn’t, players would be less inclined to commit it. When there are hundreds of millions of dollars at...
05
JUN
2013

My Life Is A Lie

My entire baseball career is built on a lie. It started just after my junior year, on the day I wasn’t drafted but was told I would be. I spent 2002 playing ace to my college staff, leading the squad to a regional bid, making the all-conference all-star team for my effort. My...
01
JUN
2013

RA Dickey VS Chaos Theory

Believe me, no one is more tired of hearing RA Dickey say he’s still trying to figure out his knuckleball than me. The whole, “it’s a process”, “it’s a journey”, “the knuckleball is a capricious animal”, shtick—I’m over it. At some point this has to stop being a...