29
SEP
2011

The Recipe for #EpicFail Starts in the Head

I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this, but wow, what a night for baseball September 28th turned out to be. I usually don’t like to throw my voice into such an over saturated market of baseball commentary, but I can’t help it. I’m tired of listening to people who’ve never played...
19
SEP
2011

Minor League Survival Tip #24—Learn How and When to Cheat

No no no—not steroids. I’m not talking about the kind of cheating wherein in you put your life in jeopardy. I’m talking about the kind of stuff that an umpire like Joe West would have a conniption about if he caught you doing it. The kind of stuff Gaylord Perry, Whitey Ford, or...
17
SEP
2011

What to Charge You For

“Woa, Lady, how did this become my problem?” I barked into the phone’s receiver. The property manager from the Hampton’s apartment complex, the place the team stayed at in Durham, was on the phone with me. She had a sweet Carolina countenance to her—until I started yelling,...
16
SEP
2011

All The Fire Engines

“Hey Driftwood, how are ya?” Said an excited Sid. “What?” I said, getting off my twelve-speed and shaking Sid’s hand. “Driftwood,” he repeated, “or would you prefer Castaway?” “Your puns are usually bad but at least they’re decipherable. This one, however, has got me completely...
15
SEP
2011

Kid’s Toys

“Did you see Manny got arrested?” I asked my dearest Bonnie, presently standing at my side with matching coffee cup and pajamas. “Shocker,” she said “Yeah,” I took a sip, “I guess. Though I was kinda surprised. He wasn’t the smartest guy I played with, but he didn’t seem like the...
14
SEP
2011

Big J Needs to Lift

“If I tried to lift that over my head, the weight would crush me like one of those Super Mario Goombas,” I said, making a raspberry noise. Big J, laughed at me as he stepped out from under the weight rack. He always laughs at me when I say stuff like that. I didn’t mind because...
13
SEP
2011

Little Giants

Once again I was on the yellow line edging the football field, the same yellow line this annoying mom with an inferior camera ran me off of earlier because, as she said, “It’s against the rules.” “I just want some good shots of my cousin, no reason to get...
12
SEP
2011

Minor League Survival Tip #26- Stop Worrying About Your Damn Shoes

Shoe cleanliness is a big deal to ball players. Don’t’ ask me why—They’re just going to get them dirty again. If you’re the pitcher, they’ll be dirty before you even get on the game mound because you have to warm up first. Hell, if they’re clean, that means you aren’t playing so...
11
SEP
2011

Never Forget

Honestly, I took History of Jazz because it was an easy A. In fact, the instructor knew this was why most kids took it; one of the reasons he didn’t take attendance and kept his tests relatively idiot proof. He wasn’t tenured yet and needed students to pass the class so he could...
10
SEP
2011

Classically Guitared

“Why do all the people in here look so white and scaly?” I asked, standing outside the mob of people eating the post event spread. “They’re musicians honey, they never go outside” said Bonnie. “They have to practice all day.” “Lord, they’re like vampires. I feel like this is the...
12